


front line

by orphan_account



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, First Kiss, Getting Together, Gill and Gilbert, M/M, What's new, no more heroes stream, pat has hopelessly fallen for brian, pat's a lil insecure, rated teen for language and like. 3 kisses, sotc stream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-21 17:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20697128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Pat’s fucked.No, not in the good way. He’s fucked in thestop looking at him stop thinking about his eyes and his hair and stop biting your nails and- kind of way. It shouldn’t be fair for Brian to just- just look like that.





	front line

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first thing i've written AND finished in 3 years and i'm really happy about it! i just love these 2 good dudes. my twitter & tumblr are both vang0chainz if you're interested!

Pat’s fucked. 

No, not in the good way. He’s fucked in the _stop looking at him stop thinking about his eyes and his hair and stop biting your nails and _\- kind of way. It shouldn’t be fair for Brian to just- just _look like that_. He knows it’s not, like, Brian’s fault or anything, but it’s really fucking frustrating when someone is so effortlessly beautiful and he can’t _do_ anything about it. 

Which is why he has to leave the room damn near immediately after the No More Heroes stream. He doesn’t know how he even survived it in the first place. It had been bad enough when Tara introduced him to Brian, and Brian had stuttered and shook Pat’s hand with a trembling grip, saying something about being a fan but Pat was too distracted by his _eyes_ to hear half of what he said. But now, _now_, Pat had just sat through an hour of Brian, inches from him, nervous and afraid and fucking adorable, and it was nearly impossible not to say _fuck it_ and just kiss him. 

So, yeah. Pat fucking books it the instant the stream ends, trying his best to ignore the wide eyed look Brian is giving him. He knows he should stay, help get things cleaned up, reassure Brian that _yes, you did just fine_. He just scared the shit out of Brian, which he feels bad about already, but he just really needed to get out of that room.

He quietly slips into one of the rooms they normally use for phone calls. Breathing heavily, his hand finds its way into his own hair and _pulls_, trying to distract himself and prevent the anxiety attack that's trying to force its way to the surface. It's fairly effective, giving him something physical to focus on instead of the million things that are going through his head. He stands there, in the middle of the room with one of his hands shoved into his hair for god knows how long. Pat's breathing is just starting to even out when the door clicks open. It takes Pat an embarrassingly long time to realize he isn’t alone in the room anymore. 

“Pat?” comes a soft voice. _Too_ soft, he hates it when people pity him. He turns around and, god dammit, it’s Brian. Because of _course_ it is. Of course Brian would know exactly where to look for him even though he hasn’t even worked with Pat very long. Pat sighs, pulls his hand out of his hair, and does his best to look Brian in the eyes. 

“Yeah?” He asks, wincing when his voice comes out breathier than he expected. Brian’s eyes soften even more than they already were, which Pat didn’t think was even possible.

“Are you- what’s- you good?” Brian’s voice is shaky, almost like he’s _afraid_ or something, Pat thinks. 

“I’m fine, Brian.” And, _thank god_, his voice is starting to go back to normal. Brian looks Pat over, which decidedly does _not_ make Pat blush thank you very much, and just raises an eyebrow at him. Pat stares back, unsure of what to say or do. Brian just sighs and says something about talking to him if Pat needs to, then gives a small wave and allows Pat to go back to his solitude. Not wanting to draw even more attention to himself, Pat leaves the room and goes straight to his desk. He boots up his computer and, fuck, has an unopened Slack message from Simone. He sighs, looks at the message, types back a half-hearted reply that’s something like _yeah im fine don’t worry about it_, and locks his gaze to his computer screen.

After editing for an hour, or maybe ten years, it’s hard to tell, Pat gives a cursory glance at the clock before grabbing his shit and getting the _hell_ out of there.

And that’s how Pat’s life goes for the next month. He works like normal, tries _really_ hard not to stare at Brian from his desk like normal, and doesn’t hang around very long after work, which isn’t that normal actually. He handles it, keeps repressing his feelings like the good ex-Catholic boy he is. Refuses to let anyone, _including himself_, figure out that he’s got some pretty serious feelings for Brian. 

Which is why he absolutely fucking _reels_ when Tara tells him he and Brian haven’t met their hourly requirements and she wants them to do streams together. Brian seems legitimately excited about the idea, and Pat collects himself as fast as he can to put on an enthusiastic face for the two of them. So, Gill and Gilbert is born. 

Pat actually _really_ enjoys their weekly streams. Which, yeah, not great for his crush situation, but Brian’s a joy to be around. His laughter and antics are ridiculously contagious and Pat finds himself throwing his head back in genuine happiness at least once per stream. He and Brian inevitably become friends, doing food crimes and other weird shit together every week will do that to just about anyone. They even go get _food_ together after some streams, which Pat still cannot fucking believe. He has no idea why someone like Brian would ever be interested in _him_, even platonically. 

He voices this concern on accident one night. After their Super Meat Boy stream, they go out and get food like they have been for _weeks_ now, and Pat just. Says it. Word vomit that he can’t stop even if he tried. 

“Why are you friends with me?”

Brian scrunches his eyebrows together at this. He looks like a mixture of shocked and…. sad? Pat doesn’t have time to unpack that before Brian finally, finally speaks. “What the hell, Pat Gill? What does that even _mean_?”

“Like, why do you…. spend your free time with me?”

Brian’s expression gets _sadder_, what the _fuck_-

“I can’t _not_ be friends with you after all of the food crimes we’ve committed.” And Pat laughs, a little nervously, and nods in agreement, shoving a fry in his mouth to shut himself up. Admittedly, he’s glad Brian took the humor route with that question. Pat doesn’t think he could handle Brian telling him all the things he likes about him. The rest of the night goes a little more smoothly, if not the tiniest bit awkward, and Pat considers it a good night after they separate to their different subway platforms. 

The next day at work, when Brian suggests _Shadow of the Colossus_ for the next Gill and Gilbert, Pat quickly agrees. When Brian suggests an augmented reality experience where they have to fucking _climb on each other during every fight_ Pat still agrees, but it takes a little bit longer than it did before. Brian doesn’t say anything about it so Pat assumes he didn’t notice his hesitation.

Pat’s an absolute wreck the rest of the week. The concept of them climbing on each other won’t stay out of his mind, and he feels so incredibly guilty about it. He knows Brian didn’t suggest it for any other reason than the entertainment factor, but _fuck_, the idea of Brian climbing up on him and Pat _holding Brian_ is the best idea anyone’s ever had. When the day comes, he and Brian meet up a bit before the stream to set everything up and touch base with one another. Halfway through setup, Brian stops.

“Can we even _carry_ each other?” Brian asks, genuinely concerned.

“I mean, I can absolutely carry you no problem,” Pat quips, because he definitely _can_. He thinks he sees Brian’s eyes go slightly wide at this, but he chalks it up to his overactive imagination. “The question is can _you_ carry _me_?”

“I, uh, I think so? I might drop you once or twice but I can probably carry you?”

“You don’t sound very confident, Brian.”

Brian laughs out loud, jarring Pat a little. “Maybe we should… try?” And Pat freezes. He knew this was coming, and it _is_ probably better to get the first one out of the way while they’re not live.

“Oh. Uh, sure,” Pat manages to get out as Brian walks towards him. Brian picks Pat up with ease. Sets him back down pretty soon after. He looks very pleased with himself. 

“Yeah, we’re fine,” and- did he just fucking _wink_? Pat blinks, chalks it up to his imagination again, and they start the stream within a few minutes.

Everything is going _fine_, Brian carried him with no problems during Pat’s turn. They’re having a good time, chat is _loving it_, and Pat is definitely not thinking about how it feels to have Brian’s body pressed up against his-

“Alright I gotta climb on you now!” Comes Brian’s voice, breaking him out of his thoughts.  
“Oh, shit,” Pat says, surprised, and they both stand up. Pat has no explanations or excuses for what does next. He just squats down and _hefts Brian onto his fucking shoulders_. It’s not that hard, honestly, Brian doesn’t weigh much and Pat prides himself on his strength despite his wiry frame. Brian gasps, the sound making Pat smile. 

“Oh. Wow! This is… this is a way of holding I was not expecting!”

Pat’s immediately worried he fucked something up. He knew he should have asked before doing something like that. “Is it okay?”

“No it’s perfectly fine!” Pat relaxes some, but Brian is _definitely_ still on top of him and is _definitely_ wiggling around on his shoulders, so it’s hard to relax entirely. 

The stream goes off without a hitch after that, they carry each other and play their video game and have a good time, it doesn’t even seem awkward between them. Once the stream _finally_ ends, Brian asks if they’re still going to get dinner together. Pat acts like he’s offended that Brian would even _ask_, but he agrees with a smile. They go to one of their regular places, but Brian orders to go instead of dine in like they normally do, which doesn’t make _any_ fucking sense but Pat plays along, gets his to go too. The air is….. _heavy_? while they walk through the streets. Not, like, awkward, but it seems a lot harder to break the silence than it usually is, and Pat definitely hates it. It makes his stomach hurt. They walk for a few more minutes,   
oppressively silent, before Brian stops suddenly in front of a building. 

“Bri-?” Pat starts to ask before Brian cuts him off. 

“Come inside,” Brian says, then winces. “If you- if you want, that is. I’m not, like, forcing you to come into my apartment with me or anything.”

Pat’s mind _races_. Brian wants him to go inside. _Brian_ wants _Pat_ to go inside. Before he can stop himself, Pat gestures to the door and says, “Lead the way.”

Brian’s apartment is nice. Bigger than Pat’s by a solid amount, but Brian’s told him about his living situation so having a larger apartment makes sense. Pat can’t believe he’s never been here before, what with how close he and Brian have gotten over the last few months. He also doesn’t know what to fucking _do_. Does he take his shoes off? Does he put the last bits of his food on the table? Does he-

And Brian is kissing him. 

Pat makes a muffled noise of shock and confusion into Brian’s lips, but he gathers himself well enough to kiss back. Brian’s got his arms around Pat’s waist, pulling him close, and Pat wraps his arms around Brian’s neck best he can while he still has his _fucking food in his hands_. Realizing that he is, in fact, holding his food in his hands makes him suddenly aware of what’s happening. His eyes go wide as he breaks the kiss and backs up.

“Hang on,” He says, setting his food on the coffee table in the living room. Brian’s cheeks are flushed and he’s breathing a little heavily, but he still manages to smile at Pat and sit on the couch. He pats the spot directly next to him and Pat sits, nervous. “Hey, Brian?”

“Yeah?” Brian says, eyes flicking between Pat’s eyes and lips. Pat can feel an anxiety attack coming full force, like the one he had after that stream forever ago. 

“What- what the _fuck_?” Pat asks, then after seeing Brian’s expression change to one of embarrassment and _is that fear_? he speaks again. “I mean, don’t get me wrong that was really fuckin’ nice and I _definitely_ want to do it again but _what the fuck, Brian_!” Pat tangles one of his hands into his own hair, out of habit. He does _not_ expect Brian to carefully remove his hand and replace it with his own, scratching at Pat’s scalp. Pat’s eyes instinctively close, no one’s done this to him in years and it feels _good_. It quells his anxiety and fear and pushes them back down from where they were threatening to bubble up to the surface.

“You okay?” Brian asks, no laughter or mocking tone to his voice at all.

“Uh, yes? Maybe? You just fucking _kissed me_, Brian! I’ve wanted to do that for the past six months!” Pat shouts, then freezes, because _oh fuck oh shit now he knows what happened during that first stream and_\- and there’s a hand on his cheek. Brian’s other hand, the one not tangled in Pat’s hair. Pat looks up and Brian’s eyes are so _kind and understanding_ and it makes Pat’s eyes water a bit. “Sorry.”

“Pat Gill do _not_ apologize! Well, actually, you can apologize for one thing,” Brian says with a smirk. Pat raises an eyebrow, trying to keep his composure. 

“What am I allowed to apologize for then?” 

Brian smiles wide, takes his hand out of Pat’s hair and places it on the cheek that doesn’t already have a hand on it. “Not kissing me for six fucking months.” And with that, Pat surges forward, capturing Brian’s lips with his own while wrapping his arms around Brian’s shoulders. They kiss frantically at first, trying to make up for lost time. It’s fast and unpracticed and there’s a bit of awkward maneuvering that happens, but _fuck_ if it’s not the happiest Pat’s been in a long time.

They break apart after what feels like years, breathing heavily and smiling like complete fools. Pat takes a second and just stares at Brian, because he can _do that_ now. He can really take in Brian’s eyes and his hair, relish in how soft they both look, how soft Brian looks. He can even _touch_ Brian’s hair if he wants to. So he does. He runs his fingers through Brian’s hair, still enraptured by all the things he’s allowed to do now. Brian’s smiling at him, blushing and laughing softly. 

“So, six months, huh?”

Pat groans, smacks him with a pillow, and Brian laughs louder, (Brian’s laugh is Pat’s favorite sound in the entire world, he decides) pulling Pat in for another kiss.


End file.
